Jared Walker

Posts by Jared Walker

  \  Tru Mindset  December 16, 2019

The Least Talked About Game that Women Play—The Comparison Game

Do you play the comparison game? You know the one…your best friend shows up at your door and she looks beautiful. In the face of this beauty, you begin to doubt your own beauty and start down the rabbit hole of self-criticism by picking yourself apart.

Not only does this effect the way you see yourself, but your every experience is judged by this one thing…Do I look good enough? Am I skinny enough? Do I look too big compared to my friend?

Your memories of this fabulous night out with your friend are clouded because you were so busy measuring yourself against everyone else, that you forgot to have fun.

Now that is a bummer!

I used to be filled with so much self-criticism that I would have sharp pains in my stomach the whole evening. It would not only be painful, but my stomach would swell. That is what you call emotional pain being reflected into physical symptoms.

As you may have experienced, the comparison game leads to self-criticism and judgement. Next on the emotional circuit is shame and unworthiness. Then we finish up with a plan for future restriction and punishment.

You devise a great strategy to eliminate the enemy, your body. The next day’s schedule consists of an early morning run, followed by fasting with the intention to shrink the stomach, followed by another form of exercise because the run wasn’t enough to make you feel better about not measuring up.  In your eyes, you haven’t earned that right yet. At this point you are so hungry that you give up fasting and you overeat, not just mildly, but punishingly overeat.

The result is shame. Shame that you can’t even go 1 day without eating. Shame that your body isn’t what you want. The cry for mercy is; “Why can’t I have a cute figure like everyone else?” or “Why can’t I eat whatever I want and not gain weight like everyone else?”

Do you see how shame is taken to the extreme? The rampage started with only 1 friend and it ended with “everyone”.  The result of this tirade is a feeling of true aloneness.

This is a disconnection.

Not with your friend but with yourself. Once you are disconnected with body and soul, you take on eating and exercising behavior patterns that do not get you where you want to go. In fact, in this place your body responds in only 1 way, with stress. In a stress response the body stores fat and burns muscle along with a host of other physiological reactions that sabotage your goal.

As Don Miguel Ruiz says in his book, The Four Agreements Companion Book, “we believe about ourselves what everyone and every mirror has ever told us about who we are and what we look like.” We can’t see ourself, so we take everyone else’s word for it.

All of these perceptions are distorted. They are UNTRUE. Yet, we believe them anyway.

So, how do we overcome this tendency to rate and judge our own body? After all, she is rather lovely J and truly a miracle of a being.

First, understand that we are all made differently. We are each blessed with the physical body that is needed for our own personal journey on this earth.

Here is the logical point of view using physiological fact. There are 3 main body types: ecto-morph, endo-morph and meso-morph:

  • Ecto is long
  • Endo is curvy
  • Meso is power

In short, an endo will never be an ecto and a meso will never be an endo and an ecto will never be a meso, and all vice-versa.  There are combinations of all of these and these combinations make us who we are individually. Not only physical shape but our likes and dislikes as well. It is really quite fascinating.

In the case of my example, the friend that comes to your door is long limbed and you are curvy; it is unrealistic to be critical of yourself. You, being curvy, will never be long limbed…no matter what stretching machine you put yourself on…it – will – not – happen.

So the big question is…Why are you not happy with the way your body is now?

The more soulful point of view is:

It is time to give your belief system an overhaul. You cannot continue to live your life in judgement, comparison and criticism. The body cannot withstand this type of anxiety and stress without being effected by it later.

First, meditate and mull over this beautiful scripture, Psalms 139:14: I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works: my soul knows it very well.

This verse shows the incredible and unique essence of our physical body. Each individual is created differently, each having their own characteristics, curves, strength, power, length, breadth and so on. Each one is unique and very special. Once you see yourself from your creators eyes, things will begin to shift for you.

To solidify this, I teach my clients to integrate body love rituals into their day. For example, a mindful shower where you bring all the senses into play from prepping for shower to applying lotion after the shower.

Use body love rituals to integrate the connection between body and soul so they coalesce in a beautiful dance. This is how you stop the comparison game.

Be embodied, one with your body.

This brings love, appreciation, gratitude and forgiveness.

This has you operating from your heart. When our heart guides us, we see the world and the people in our world differently. Most importantly we see ourselves differently and only then will we begin to treat ourselves differently. We begin to take care in how we eat, move and exercise, how we treat and show honor to others.

Dropping the comparison could change your life.

When the heart leads our mind isn’t on our physical body tripping us up on judgement and criticism. We can finally Experience Freedom from the Comparison Game.

The next time your girlfriend shows up at the door, open the door with your heart. Not your head.

  \  Tru Mindset  December 16, 2019

Movement for the Soul

Exercise is not for everyone. Why do you think that is? The structure of the human body was made to move, leap, skip, jump, walk, run, balance, bend, arch and stretch. Do you do any of these on a daily basis?

As many as 50 million Americans (35-45 % of the population)1 are living sedentary lives, putting them at an increased risk of health problems.

On the other hand, there are those that seek exercise for a thinner body or a sense of control or accomplishment, instead of seeking it out to create a healthy lifestyle and gaining pleasure from it. For some of these individuals, exercise can be addictive and taken to the extreme. Which is very similar to the way extreme dieting leads to eating disorders, or in extreme cases it is an activity disorder.

Over-exercising or punishing exercises are as detrimental to the health as a sedentary lifestyle. The former causes the body to operate in a sympathetic stressed state the majority of the time. Which as you know from my previous articles on stress, this is damaging to the digestive system, the musculoskeletal system, the cellular system, and muscle to fat ration.

Here are a few “sure signs” that you are over-exercising or participating in punishing exercise.

  1. Obsessive concerns with body weight and body fat.
  2. Excessive, purposeless physical activity that goes beyond your normal training regimen.
  3. Punishing exercise – meaning you have to work-out because you ate “too much” or in your mind you haven’t done enough activity to deserve relaxation.
  4. Uncomfortable with rest or relaxation.
  5. Dependent on exercise to balance mood.
  6. Rationalize activity level to protect involvement in said activity.
  7. Exercise no matter what… even if experiencing physical exhaustion.

All of these cause the body to reside in the Sympathetic Stress Mode, which kills the body’s ability to build muscle and protect bones. If you are going to spend all those hours exercising, don’t you want to build lean tissue and maintain good bone health?

Where do we find the balance in our exercise regimen or what I call movement for the soul?  It comes from with-in. Only you know what form of movement will be nourishing for you. Experiment. Don’t settle for something that doesn’t bring joy, excitement or energy to every fiber of your being. It must be an activity that you look forward to and that nourishes you for your life purpose.

Moving for your Life Purpose takes the pressure off. Now you can move with the soul intent to gain a healthy body and soul. Healthy movement is vital for the soul (mind/heart/emotions). When time is set aside for movement that is nourishing, the soul comes to life and a balance is reached. When the soul is nourished, you are unstoppable.

The 1st thing to remember is to MOVE. Don’t live a sedentary life. The body was built for movement. The 2nd thing to remember is to move for the soul… with the sole purpose to nourish, strengthen, calm and restore your health.

1Source: American Psychological Association

  \  Tru Mindset  December 16, 2019

Make SLOW the NEW YOU!

“Slowing down is the NEW internal mechanism you need to increase your metabolic power.”

Slowing down is not NEW… it just isn’t used. And now is the perfect time to wipe the dust off and put that part of you to good use. Notice I said, “internal mechanism”. This is something that happens from within, it doesn’t mean you move slow and don’t get anything done… it means breathing, ebb and flow through stress, allow it (slow) to come in and seep through your body, soul and spirit so you are more effective with not only the running of your body but most importantly how you do life and how you share yourself with others. That combination is what makes a healthy body, soul and spirit.

What does SLOW do for you??

  • It puts you in the optimal state of digestion.
  • Your body will burn fat for energy.
  • You will increase calorie burning power.
  • Your immune system functions optimally.
  • Optimal state of assimilation of nutrients.
  • Increased oxygen uptake = metabolic power (burn more calories at rest).
  • Healing happens in your body.
  • Maintenance and repair of the body.
  • Healthy meals eaten in a relaxed state, you will receive full digestion, assimilation and nourishment of that food.
  • You will experience the 8 sacred metabolizers: love, truth, courage, compassion, commitment, forgiveness, faith, gratitude and surrender.

That sounds like a divine way to live doesn’t it?

All of this is available to you. Make the decision to slow things up with-in you, today…it’s never too late.